Day 17: Stewardess', Waiters, Pierce Brosnans wife

There's a reason why I didn't go to bed and maybe I'll talk about it tomorrow. I'm in no mood to own up to it tonight.

Day 17: Lazy Friday

Here's something I've found to be true throughout my 26 years here, anyone named Michael is kind of a dick head. It's just a fact, I say this with the utmost certainty and with more than a bit of self awareness. The grocery store clerk who laughed at my Haiti joke, his name tag read Michael, the kid that ratted me out to Mrs. DiMartino in the 3rd grade for bringing in pornography, his name was Michael too, prick. Despite those two fine bookends I can offer this blog or sworn testimony by many of the people I offend on a daily basis. Consider this a warning, a heads-up, my public service announcement to you, don't waste your time with us, we're a lost cause.

I hate that I'm not supposed to say waiter or waitress anymore. Also, you can't say stewardess.
There are some words that people shouldn't say that are justified, like the N-word, that makes sense, that shit is serious, but stewardess and waiter? C'mon, no one wants to say "Server". I still say midget and retard, and eskimo only because the first two can't really fight back(retard is debatable because they have uncanny strength) and I don't know any eskimos.That was the southwest uniform in the 60's, holy smokes. I've flown a shitload of times, I've never seen any particularly hot "flight attendant". Nothing that comes even close to the girls in the photo above. I think the last couple times I was on plane it was mostly dudes, they should make the dudes wear those ridiculous old uniforms. Btw I call guys stewardess' too.

I'm the clumsiest bastard you will ever meet. Which is the reason, according to my mother, why I can't have nice things. Here's some evidence.
But the old lady might be onto something, I break all the nice things I own, if it's made of glass or fragile, there's a good chance I'll fuck it up. I've worked my way through 7ipods, the 2 Iphone's I owned, before there were stolen, had cracks in the screens. Shit I've even broken myself a couple times. I'm full of bruises, cuts, scrapes, burned my arm the other day during an attempt at cooking.

Never forget, things could always be worse. You could marry a beautiful women one day, and wake up next to a whale the next
Forget about the impoverished, you should send your prayers to Pierce Brosnan, poor bastard. I mean he's not exactly the picture of fitness but at least he's trying to keep his shit together. This is the stuff I have nightmares about. When I first saw her picture I thought I was looking at amateur photography of marine life. Here's another shot of her hanging out on the beach with a friend.What's worse is he's stuck, he can't tell her she's fatass, and unattractive he has to pretend he still finds her attractive. While he's searching her folds for a vagina he must be thinking of better times, no way are his eyes open when they bone. It's practically beastiality.