Day 3 cont'd

Day 3 : part douche

Yesterday ran a bit long so I'm separating the days event's into two different posts.

After devouring that homemade pizza, I watched Mr. Deeds. The movie is kind of shit but I like it nonetheless. Adam Sandler kind of looks like a monkey and the idea of him getting a cute girl is offensive but I can get into his movies.
Another movie I watched was The Astronaut's Wife. Holy fuck this was a flaming piece of dog shit. Absolute garbage, the g/f insisted we watch it since johnny depp is in it and I stupidly agreed. I'm not going to bore you with a lengthy review but I will say this, in hindsight if given the option I would prefer to get my prostate examined without lube, by a doctor wearing a sandpaper glove. If you don't believe me check out the 16% rating it received at http://www.rottentomatoes.com
After the shitty movie choices there may have been some fornication. Looking back on last night, right after we were done watching Johnny Depp the wife seemed more into the idea of copulation. In that case I take back anything bad I wrote about that movie.

After the coitus we met up with a few of her co-workers out in Queens. It was pretty bad, the bar they were at was filled with those guido types you see only see on TV. Which is funny at first but it's like going to a drive through safari, it's all fun and games till a monkey shits on your windshield. Also the roided up bouncer who was missing a neck, and probably also missing normal sized testicles, told me to take off my hat. Fucking asshole. Must be because a place as classy as theirs can't be seen with guys wearing hats indoors, might give the establishment a bad name. Might get in the way of the beer pong. I'm just pissed because had I known I wasn't allowed to wear a hat I would have given myself a blow-out to fit in.

After bailing on that place, I stopped at CVS to pick up some lube. I saw a commercial for some new KY and asked the wife if she was game and she was . But she refused to go into the store with me to buy it. Personally I love buying shit like this, sometimes I buy porn or condoms just to buy it. I always make sure to hold awkwardly long eye contact with the clerk and make some asinine remark about the product. "$10 for the latest issue of Buttman? You've got to be kidding me!!" That last line is real one. I gave my friend Jeff Laub a copy of Buttman magazine for his birthday. To be honest I don't even know him that well. Even if I did know him that well, buying another dude ass-porn is ridiculous. So I walk to the condom aisle, which is always a fucking pain in the ass to find. Generally it's somewhere around the pharmacy but you've got to hunt for it.

I mean, condoms make it so you don't accidentally have a family, doesn't seem to make sense.
They had some real expensive KY for her , it was about $30 I thought about it but instead I got this

Whenever I'm in the condom aisle I think about buying Magnums, cutting them open and putting regular sized condoms inside those gold packets. Then I realize who the fuck would I be doing that for. Emily knows my dick size very well and it's not like she's going to think I had some growth spurt at 26, I wish.

Which reminds me of this time my friend went over this girl's place he'd been seeing for the first time. She brings him into the bedroom which was a mess, clothes everywhere etc. She leaves the room for a second and he starts taking a look around and he notices peering out from underneath a pile of clothing is a huge XXL freshly emptied magnum wrapper. He freaks, immediately starts thinking about some dude with a baseball bat cock tearing into this girl. He figures there's no way he could out-do this monster that had laid pipe right before him. He thought of a hot dog being thrown into a tunnel. She comes back into the room notices the condom and discreetly kicks it back underneath the pile. He still slept with her that night but couldn't come close to blowing his load, he couldn't get out of his own head.